Ok, ok. So WE didn't really move.
Our case did! We had another review hearing on April 14. It was a telephone hearing with just the lawyers, caseworkers, and judge. I was notified of what was happening before and after. Here are the highlights: 1. Adoption Unit: Her case has officially been moved over to the adoption unit! What does that mean? Well, for starters, it's the county's way of showing the court its intention to terminate parental rights. As it was explained to me, there is a list of things that the county has to have completed in order to change over from permanency (trying to reunify her with family) to adoption. We have a new caseworker whose purpose is to prepare the case for adoption and unless the birth parents or another form of kin step up and complete all the necessary steps that have been laid out since last June, they will terminate parental rights. 2. Terminate parental rights: How and when does this happen? Well, by law, the county MUST file to terminate parental rights if the child has been in foster care for 15 of the last 22 months. Counties with substantial evidence can make this move earlier, which is what our county is doing. Once it hits a year of Baby Girl in our care, they will file a motion with the court to terminate rights. One year will be May 30th. 24 days from today. 3. Parental plan and visits: As far as the birth parents go, they still have the same visits every week. No more, no less. They can still try to accomplish the list of goals that were laid out for the at the hearing last June, but to put it bluntly, they are no closer to accomplishing them than they were when the goals were first given a year ago. As our coordinator said during our annual re-evaluation, they are just too young and don't understand how to be parents. They have never had to be responsible for anyone, including themselves, and are completely dependent on their guardians for everything. 4. Next hearing: There is one already scheduled for September. That is the normal "review" hearing that basically checks in with the birth parents and sees where they are in the attempt towards reunification and meeting their goals. However, depending on the court's schedule, the hearing to terminate parental rights could happen before then. It all depends on the court and when it can be fit in. I'm told it would likely be around 6 months from when the notice to terminate parental rights is filed May 30. We won't have a date for that until after the motion to terminate has been filed and it can be put on the schedule. ----------------- The thing to remember in all of this is that the birth parents still have their parental rights until the termination hearing. They still have visits. They can get their act together and complete their goals in order to get her back. If that happens, the case can move back to the permanency unit. Is it likely? No. But it is always a possibility as is the possibility of someone related suddenly deciding they want to get custody and then going through the necessary steps. . Simply put, IF no one else comes forward to try and get custody and IF birth parents don't meet their required goals, the timeline looks like this: 1. Case moves to adoption unit - Done April 13 2. Caseworker files notice to terminate parental rights - Most likely happening May 30 (the 1 year in foster care mark) 3. Termination of parental rights hearing - 6 months from filing notice, likely around November ---------- One last thing: A common question being asked is "When will she be "officially" adopted in front of a judge?" The short answer is we don't know, but probably not for awhile. The long answer is we don't know because a) We haven't asked. There are a LOT of steps that have to happen before we get there and no one in the county has a crystal ball to know how fast every step along the way will take. And add in this whole COVID thing, it's thrown everything out of whack. b) This process is LONG and full of legal red tape. She has already been in our care a year and parental rights have not been terminated yet and likely won't be for another 6 months. Our coordinator said expect it to go into 2021 before we adopt her. c) To be blunt, we don't want to get ahead of ourselves. Since anything can happen, we are living in the here and now and once we get to the point where parental rights have ACTUALLY been terminated, we will have a better picture and feel more comfortable asking the question of when she will be adopted. As always, thank you for your continued support and prayers for our family and specifically Baby Girl.
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Dear Baby Girl,
Happy birthday, sweet girl! You are officially 1 year old today. As I reflect back on your time with us, I am filled with many emotions. 1) JOY. You have developed the sweetest, loving personality. Early on, you made people WORK to get a smile from you. You are a little more generous with them now, but cautiously so. You have to feel comfortable and trust the person before they will be gifted one of your face brightening beams of sunlight smiles. My advice: keep hold of this trait. You can and should love people and be kind without giving them your whole heart before they have earned your trust. 2) AWE. 27 weeks. 2.43 pounds. You were born too early. You needed to be resuscitated. You overcame many obstacles to become the thriving 20 pound 1 year old I see before me today. I am in awe of God's grace and mercy in your life, little one, that you are as healthy as you can be in spite of your start to life. My advice: God can do amazing things. He deserves our reverence. 3) SADNESS. 80 days. That's how long you were alive before we knew you existed. I'm sad that we will never get those 80 days back with you. To come visit you in the NICU. To comfort you while you lived in a bassinet with tubes. To pray over you, your health, and your family. God was always with you, protecting you, but how we wish we could have been too. My advice: Treasure every moment of life. Be present. You may have less time to complete projects, enjoy people or places than you think. Live life making the most of the time you DO have instead of lamenting the time you DON'T. 4) GRATEFULNESS. For years, I cried. I yelled at God. I privately held pity parties when others were celebrating their pregnancies and children. I wallowed in my sadness selfishly. But the journey God took us on to having children - while winding, rocky, and LONG - led us to YOU. If we hadn't struggled to conceive, we would not have sought out adoption as an alternative. If we hadn't moved into this house, we would not have been close enough to use the county you were born in. ALL of the roads that were laden with pain and sorrow led STRAIGHT to you. I am thankful for God's faithfulness to see us through the storm to bring us to the rainbow that is you. My advice: Always find ways to be grateful and thankful for your circumstances. You have NO idea what God's plans are for your future and why you are in your current state. Take it in, learn, and lean into the Lord. There are reasons for each part of your journey, even if you never find out what they are. 5) UNSURE. We started this journey with you not knowing how it would end. We still don't know, though your caseworker says the start of terminating your parent's rights will start in May. It's not easy not knowing for certain whether we will ever make you an official Roth, but you will ALWAYS be a part of our family. My advice: Don't let uncertainty stop you from following the Lord's calling. Baby girl, you are one of our 3 miracles and we are so proud to call ourselves your family. Christmas.
It is my absolute favorite holiday. I love the decorations, the music, the traditions, and just the overall feel of merriment. This year, our lives look a little different for the holidays. We have an extra person as a part of our family to enjoy the festivities. I'm excited to share this time with her, but it reminds me that she has other family that will not get to share this time with her. I decided awhile ago I was going to give both of her birth families a gift. It wasn't much, but for both birth parents, I made one of those Shutterfly photo books with all kinds of pictures of baby girl. Monthly pictures, pictures of them with her, pictures of baby girl with Ben (without his face showing) and Bug, pictures of her in various "fashionista" outfits, pictures of her using various toys and baby apparatuses, etc. This past week, I gave them to both parents. I get two responses when I tell people that I did this: Response #1: Wow that is SO nice of you. I don't know that I could do something like that. Response #2: Aren't you afraid this will give them motivation to work harder to get her back? Here is my response:
I don't tell this story to boast about what I did. Instead, I tell it to give a tangible example of the complexity of our situation. It would be FAR easier for me to clutch those photos close to my heart and keep them from the birth parents. After all, those are our memories with her and there are reasons she isn't in their care at the moment. However, they are her parents. And they are people, God's creation, sinners - just. like. me. We all share this darling child, in a way, and will forever no matter where she lives the rest of her life. There are plenty of times I question whether I made the right decision as a parent. This isn't one of them. From our family to yours, Merry Christmas xo |
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