Dear Baby Girl,
Happy birthday, sweet girl! You are officially 1 year old today. As I reflect back on your time with us, I am filled with many emotions. 1) JOY. You have developed the sweetest, loving personality. Early on, you made people WORK to get a smile from you. You are a little more generous with them now, but cautiously so. You have to feel comfortable and trust the person before they will be gifted one of your face brightening beams of sunlight smiles. My advice: keep hold of this trait. You can and should love people and be kind without giving them your whole heart before they have earned your trust. 2) AWE. 27 weeks. 2.43 pounds. You were born too early. You needed to be resuscitated. You overcame many obstacles to become the thriving 20 pound 1 year old I see before me today. I am in awe of God's grace and mercy in your life, little one, that you are as healthy as you can be in spite of your start to life. My advice: God can do amazing things. He deserves our reverence. 3) SADNESS. 80 days. That's how long you were alive before we knew you existed. I'm sad that we will never get those 80 days back with you. To come visit you in the NICU. To comfort you while you lived in a bassinet with tubes. To pray over you, your health, and your family. God was always with you, protecting you, but how we wish we could have been too. My advice: Treasure every moment of life. Be present. You may have less time to complete projects, enjoy people or places than you think. Live life making the most of the time you DO have instead of lamenting the time you DON'T. 4) GRATEFULNESS. For years, I cried. I yelled at God. I privately held pity parties when others were celebrating their pregnancies and children. I wallowed in my sadness selfishly. But the journey God took us on to having children - while winding, rocky, and LONG - led us to YOU. If we hadn't struggled to conceive, we would not have sought out adoption as an alternative. If we hadn't moved into this house, we would not have been close enough to use the county you were born in. ALL of the roads that were laden with pain and sorrow led STRAIGHT to you. I am thankful for God's faithfulness to see us through the storm to bring us to the rainbow that is you. My advice: Always find ways to be grateful and thankful for your circumstances. You have NO idea what God's plans are for your future and why you are in your current state. Take it in, learn, and lean into the Lord. There are reasons for each part of your journey, even if you never find out what they are. 5) UNSURE. We started this journey with you not knowing how it would end. We still don't know, though your caseworker says the start of terminating your parent's rights will start in May. It's not easy not knowing for certain whether we will ever make you an official Roth, but you will ALWAYS be a part of our family. My advice: Don't let uncertainty stop you from following the Lord's calling. Baby girl, you are one of our 3 miracles and we are so proud to call ourselves your family.
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