It was 2:06 in the afternoon.
Ben had woken up from his nap early and had come into my bedroom to cuddle with me as I laid down for a nap of my own. In the partial dark, I lay on my bed, stroking my son's head that lay on my chest, when my cell phone rang. The home phone had just rung and since we typically only get robocalls or solicitors on our home phone, I ignored it. But since it was immediately followed by a call to my cell phone, I had a feeling I should answer it. It was our foster care coordinator. There was a baby girl about to be discharged from the NICU. Did we want her? My heart raced. My mind raced. Did we want her? Yes Should we take her? I wasn't sure. Just two weeks prior, I had taken a pregnancy test. And it was positive. Right before getting pregnant, I had a miscarriage making this current pregnancy #6 and I only had one living child to show out of the 6. What if we say yes, I stay pregnant and have a baby and a foster child at the same time? What if I say no to the foster and miscarry again? I told our foster coordinator I had to call my husband and I'd get back to her. I called Jon. The call was short. His response? "We wanted kids. So there's no way we're turning this down." I called our foster coordinator to say yes and get the details. I had two more calls to make. The first was to my mom. I asked if she was in the mood for a road trip to a certain city. After 10 seconds of silence, she said "absolutely." The second call was to the intake caseworker getting more details about when and where to meet her. Then, it was time to take a trip. I was excited. It was a girl! I was scared. What were we getting into? We knew nothing about the families or case details. It didn't matter. We were headed to get our girl. By the time we got our wits about us and got to the hospital, it was 4pm. I went straight to the NICU while my mom took care of Ben in the waiting room. Before leaving the hospital with her, I had things to do.
By 9 pm, I was getting the car and bringing it around to pack up and head home. I had brought an outfit to the hospital with me and dressed her. The nurse then swaddled her and walked her out in the bassinet, with me following. Ben was already loaded in the car and my mom spoke with the NICU nurse as I carefully put this little girl into her car seat. I overheard the nurse tell my mom something about me that I will never forget: "She is a godsend." My heart broke for this child who had a complete stranger become her "godsend." The whole way home, we talked logistics. What would she need that we didn't have? Was her nursery ready enough? How would I handle the hearing the next day with Ben since he wasn't allowed to go? Halfway home, we stopped for gas and took the first and only picture we have of just her from that day. As I waited for the gas tank to fill, I internally panicked. I didn't know this child. She was completely foreign to me and me to her. I'd never had a premature baby. I'd never fed a baby a bottle. How well did she sleep? Did she use a pacifier? I got her home and Ben immediately wanted to hold her - he'd wanted to hold her since he found out about her at 2:30, poor boy. He sat and we laid her gently on his lap and arm. The gigantic smile on his face filled the room and I knew this was special. In that moment, I knew that she was where she was supposed to be. We may have been her godsend, but she is definitely ours too. Sometimes days blur together, but every once in awhile, there are days that are etched in our memories, never to be forgotten. May 30, 2019 is a day that I will remember and treasure forever. It's the day God gifted us with another miracle child.
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Ok, ok. So WE didn't really move.
Our case did! We had another review hearing on April 14. It was a telephone hearing with just the lawyers, caseworkers, and judge. I was notified of what was happening before and after. Here are the highlights: 1. Adoption Unit: Her case has officially been moved over to the adoption unit! What does that mean? Well, for starters, it's the county's way of showing the court its intention to terminate parental rights. As it was explained to me, there is a list of things that the county has to have completed in order to change over from permanency (trying to reunify her with family) to adoption. We have a new caseworker whose purpose is to prepare the case for adoption and unless the birth parents or another form of kin step up and complete all the necessary steps that have been laid out since last June, they will terminate parental rights. 2. Terminate parental rights: How and when does this happen? Well, by law, the county MUST file to terminate parental rights if the child has been in foster care for 15 of the last 22 months. Counties with substantial evidence can make this move earlier, which is what our county is doing. Once it hits a year of Baby Girl in our care, they will file a motion with the court to terminate rights. One year will be May 30th. 24 days from today. 3. Parental plan and visits: As far as the birth parents go, they still have the same visits every week. No more, no less. They can still try to accomplish the list of goals that were laid out for the at the hearing last June, but to put it bluntly, they are no closer to accomplishing them than they were when the goals were first given a year ago. As our coordinator said during our annual re-evaluation, they are just too young and don't understand how to be parents. They have never had to be responsible for anyone, including themselves, and are completely dependent on their guardians for everything. 4. Next hearing: There is one already scheduled for September. That is the normal "review" hearing that basically checks in with the birth parents and sees where they are in the attempt towards reunification and meeting their goals. However, depending on the court's schedule, the hearing to terminate parental rights could happen before then. It all depends on the court and when it can be fit in. I'm told it would likely be around 6 months from when the notice to terminate parental rights is filed May 30. We won't have a date for that until after the motion to terminate has been filed and it can be put on the schedule. ----------------- The thing to remember in all of this is that the birth parents still have their parental rights until the termination hearing. They still have visits. They can get their act together and complete their goals in order to get her back. If that happens, the case can move back to the permanency unit. Is it likely? No. But it is always a possibility as is the possibility of someone related suddenly deciding they want to get custody and then going through the necessary steps. . Simply put, IF no one else comes forward to try and get custody and IF birth parents don't meet their required goals, the timeline looks like this: 1. Case moves to adoption unit - Done April 13 2. Caseworker files notice to terminate parental rights - Most likely happening May 30 (the 1 year in foster care mark) 3. Termination of parental rights hearing - 6 months from filing notice, likely around November ---------- One last thing: A common question being asked is "When will she be "officially" adopted in front of a judge?" The short answer is we don't know, but probably not for awhile. The long answer is we don't know because a) We haven't asked. There are a LOT of steps that have to happen before we get there and no one in the county has a crystal ball to know how fast every step along the way will take. And add in this whole COVID thing, it's thrown everything out of whack. b) This process is LONG and full of legal red tape. She has already been in our care a year and parental rights have not been terminated yet and likely won't be for another 6 months. Our coordinator said expect it to go into 2021 before we adopt her. c) To be blunt, we don't want to get ahead of ourselves. Since anything can happen, we are living in the here and now and once we get to the point where parental rights have ACTUALLY been terminated, we will have a better picture and feel more comfortable asking the question of when she will be adopted. As always, thank you for your continued support and prayers for our family and specifically Baby Girl. |
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