I [Rachel] wrote this post some time ago and was unsure whether or not to share it. I'm learning though, that the difficult and scary things to share are often the most important. Original Post: Our journey to having children has been unpredictable. Have you ever been on the "Space Mountain" ride at Disney? It's a regular roller coaster, but it's also in the dark. A roller coaster. In the DARK. On a typical roller coaster, you can at least see the twists, turns, and big hills ahead so you have a split second to brace yourself. On Space Mountain, you have NO idea what's coming because you can't see anything except for random flashes of light every once in awhile. THAT'S been our journey to children (although, to be fair, isn't most of life like this?) Anyway, our journey took a few more unexpected turns. Over the summer, I took a pregnancy test. It was positive. At the first ultrasound, I saw the heartbeat. One week later, the baby was gone. I miscarried our second child at 10 weeks. Miscarriage is rarely talked about. And that's understandable. It's painful. It's heartbreaking. It's unexplainable. For people who hear about someone having one, thinking "I don't know what to say, this is awkward" is completely understandable. It's a shame, though, because it's fairly common (see here) and often women and couples suffer through it alone. What do you say to someone who has lost a child? "I'm sorry" doesn't feel like enough. It IS. "I love you" doesn't feel helpful. It IS. "I'm here if you need anything" feels empty. It's NOT. If you have someone who trusts you and values your relationship enough to be vulnerable and honest about this, please know that there is no expectation. We know it cannot be fixed. We know you are sad for us. Whatever you say to offer comfort will be enough. Just be kind, be present, and be yourself. There's no handbook to dealing with death, especially when it is the unborn. If you have suffered a miscarriage, I'm so sorry. My prayer is that God gives you overflowing peace and you are able to rest in His unconditional love for you. ************************* So what does this mean for our family's journey towards having more children? Are we going to have another biological child? What about the adoption? Rest assured, regardless of any additional biological children, we WILL be adopting. God made that part of our journey clear to us December 2015. As for biological children, as we get older, there is naturally a smaller chance to conceive, but that's not up to us either. Ben was conceived with a doctor declaring "less than 1%" chance. We are leaving it all in God's capable hands. When we started out on this journey in 2011, we made assumptions. We planned. We agonized. We tried to control (or maybe that was just me....haha). Throughout this journey, God has been relentlessly teaching us the lesson of WHO is in control and WHO holds our destiny and WHO has a plan far greater than anything we can muster. The theme of our journey has been: "In My way, My time. Not yours. Trust Me." So short answer is: we will have as many biological and adopted children as God desires for us to have whenever He wants us to have them. It's His story being lived out through us.
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Before getting to the reason for this post, we should give an update on where we are with the adoption. We are still waiting for an expectant family to choose us. Look for another post in the near future explaining what more has been going on in our journey to expand our family.
We recently moved! This summer, we bought a single family home about 10 minutes from where we were living. It has an acre with a fenced backyard, a pool, and a pergola to entertain. We are blessed God has led us to this house and while it'll take some time, we are looking forward to making it our own. It might not seem like it, but our move affects the adoption. First, we needed to "update" our home study. There was a fee to have the social worker come out, ensure we are up to the safety codes (fire extinguisher, working fire alarms, carbon monoxide alarm, etc), and update our official paperwork. Second, our profile book needed updating. As previously explained in this post, it's a digital scrapbook that expecting families use to get introduced to waiting families and choose several to meet. Since our previous book described our townhouse, it needed updating. While I (Rachel) was updating the house page, I also updated Ben's page with more current pictures since he's now 2 and not closer to 1 as he was when we "unpaused" a year ago. Below is the new profile book if you're interested in seeing the new house or what the new pages look like. Blessings, J&R |
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June 2021
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