Have you ever heard the story of God and the tapestry? It was made popular by Corrie Ten Boom, a Dutch Christian, who, along with her father and other family members, helped many Jews escape the Nazi Holocaust during WWII. She was put in prison for her actions. She has written several books, including "The Hiding Place", but the one I want to refer to is "Reflections of God's Glory." I'll let her tell it in her own words (and the pictures of the tapestry that Corrie held as she told this story):
“This” she said, “is what God sees….from His perspective….a masterpiece!” -Reflections of God’s Glory, Corrie ten Boom While we may never know what God is weaving in our lives or why, sometimes we are granted tiny moments where God allows us a peek of one small section in order to demonstrate His authority and beauty in His plans. I'll let you in on a bit of the tapestry being woven in our lives: String 1: Jon and I want kids and talk about how many kids while dating. String 2: We struggle and ultimately can't conceive, even with professional help. That led us to adoption ... String 3: We decide to do domestic adoption instead of fostering because after 2 miscarriages, the chances of having to give back a child and become childless again is agony. That led us to Bethany Christian Services agency... String 4: We commit to an adoption agency so we are DEFINITELY going to adopt. That led us to God's reveal... String 5: TWELVE HOURS LATER we find out we are pregnant naturally. That led us to adoption struggle.... String 6: We are never chosen by a family through Bethany since already having a child is less desirable to those birth moms. That led us to adopt a different way... String 7: We feel comfortable with fostering now that we already have a child and move into a house the exact distance we are allowed to foster from the county because THIS is where God wanted our child(ren) to come from. Think about if any of those strings had been different or missing:
That's merely a microscopic glimpse at the tapestry God is weaving with our lives. How BEAUTIFUL God's handiwork is. We don't care what the final tapestry looks like. Knowing God has a story in mind that will bring Him the ultimate glory is all we need to know. And we are THRILLED to be a part of it. We had to come to different milestones in the right order for us to be EXACTLY where God wanted us to be. Was it easy? No way. Did we doubt what God was doing? Absolutely. Would we change anything? NOT AT ALL. *Note: Corrie Ten Boom refers to this poem in several books but is clear that she did not herself write it.
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I want to pull back the curtain a little bit to give people who have never heard much about foster care some insight but before I do, I have one disclaimer: Please do NOT misinterpret any of what I'm about to say as complaining, being ungrateful, or saying that foster care is much harder than <insert problem here> that someone else is going through. This is meant to be informative, nothing more. Ok, let's get into it: What's Hard About Foster Care 1. Spending at least two days a week driving back and forth to visitation and finding something to do with myself while I wait. Baby girl's birth parents get a total of 6 hours visitation a week between the two of them and it.is.TOUGH. Driving 90 minutes round trip twice a week is taxing, I'm coming to learn. Especially if you're halfway there and have to turn around because one of the bio parents cancelled. 2. Doctors and other medical professionals are in baby's home town aka not down the street. It makes it difficult to decide what to do if, as a mom, I get an inkling that I should call the doctor with a concern. I need to be certain I believe something is wrong because in the event they want to see her, I have to take her to the doctor 45 minutes away. Which essentially kills anything else I had planned for that day. 3. Feeling guilty about Ben. This was a complete life change for him. One day he was an only child with mom all to himself and the next day he had a baby in the house. Sure, this happens when people expand their family the traditional way through pregnancy, but there's something to be said for the child getting to watch Mommy's tummy grow bigger and the constant conversations preparing them (as best you can with a toddler) for when baby comes. I would imagine the change isn't quite as abrupt. This change for Ben happened in an instant and I had no way to prepare him. Plus, I now leave for hours at a time to take the baby to visitation. I know he's a kid and kids are amazing adjusters, but it's been a lot for an almost 3 year old to handle and I'm human enough to admit I feel guilty putting him through it. 4. Trying to effectively communicate between multiple agencies, multiple caseworkers, multiple supervisors, etc can get complicated. I had NO idea how many people were going to be involved in the case when I got the call. I should have gotten a sense at the first hearing, but I was probably too overwhelmed and trying to keep my stuff together. I'm a huge fan of communication and probably err on the side of OVER-communication, but I'm realizing that very few people in this area are timely or effective communicators. On the plus side: everyone so far has been a huge fan of my organization. 5. Rooting for birth parents to get their lives together while praying this child will be ours forever. This has been the toughest to navigate. As Christians, we want to see these birth parents come to know Christ as their Savior. To graduate high school or get their GED and then make something of themselves. To get out of their hometown (which is what they both told me they want) and to become thriving, contributing, and upstanding members of society. At the exact same time, we are madly in love with this child and know what her home like would be like with bio parents and their extended families. It physically hurts our hearts to even think about her being returned to them. It's a daily struggle that, to be honest, I personally often shove down and try to ignore. Outside of taking care of and loving baby girl, all I can do is pray for the bio parents and baby girl. "Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us." Hebrews 12:1
Written 6/6/19:
How It Began: Thursday May 30 at 2:30p I received a phone call from our caseworker. There was a baby about to be discharged from the hospital and did we want to go get her? 8 hours later, I was putting baby girl in the crib in our nursery. Baby's Details: For privacy sake, I won't divulge her name or story here (and we won't be showing her face in pictures) but what I can tell you is baby girl was born in March and spent her life in the NICU until I brought her home because she was a very premature baby (if I wasn't already pro-life, this little girl's story certainly would have changed my mind). Her parents are teenagers and neither have a good home life. How it's been going: It's been a whirlwind thus far. In a week, I have driven 300 miles back and forth to 2 hearings, 1 visitation, 2 doctor appointments plus picking her up at the hospital. She eats and sleeps well and is a cuddle bunny. Our hearts are sufficiently stolen. Is this permanent: We have her until November at least. Bio Mom and Dad and their families have this time to complete various things in order to take steps to prove they are the best place for her. While chances are in our favor for keeping her, nothing is ever certain with cases like these. We all have a long road ahead of us. Lots more to come: We will continue to update how the journey is progressing. I'm sure there are a lot more questions, but for now, Jon and I are doing what God called us to do: love this child unconditionally, cherish her, take care of her, and make her a part of our family for as long as we have her. In just a few days, we already can't imagine life without her, but that's something we have to accept as a possibility. Her life - and all of our lives - are in His hands. Check back on Friday for a *more updated* post on what fostering is REALLY like! :) |
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