When we were on the infertility journey, I [Rachel] felt a need to be transparent. If not for my sake, then for the sake of family and friends who knew nothing of the process and also anyone who may be on the same journey and needed an someone in their corner who had been there.
I feel the same way about our adoption journey. We have learned A LOT about adoption during the past 3.5 years. For anyone interested in understanding more about adoption, this post will be as transparent as possible regarding what we have been through but also be sensitive to what we can and cannot share. For those not interested, no hard feelings if you want to skip this post. It's a LOT of info. We have now worked with a private adoption agency and a county adoption agency. Below, I will compare and contrast different aspects of each one.
*Disclaimer #1: The private adoption agency information is specific to a DOMESTIC adoption. We have zero knowledge or experience with an international adoption or fostering through a private agency.
*Disclaimer #2: This is based on OUR experience in OUR state, OUR county and OUR adoption agency. Any of these items could be different depending on circumstances, including agencies and social workers. *Disclaimer #3: If we have not directly experienced a certain aspect, the answers are a combination of my own research and from asking the social workers at each agency.
Topics
Click to jump to a specific section 1. Application Process 2. Wait Time 3. Profile Book 4. How Process Starts on Child's Side 5. Choosing the child's name 6. Decision window for families to say "yes" or "no" 7. When "Yes" becomes final 8. Who Chooses Who 9. Revocation Period 10. Reunification Possibility 11. Visitation 12. Getting Pregnant 13. Cost
Application process
Wait Time for Child Placement
Profile Book
How the process starts on the child's side
Choosing the Child's Name
Decision Window for Families to Say "Yes" or "No"
When "Yes" Becomes Final
Who Chooses Who
Revocation Period
Reunification Possibility
Visitation
Getting Pregnant
Cost
While this was a lot of information, I am certain I did not cover every possible aspect. If after reading this you still have questions, please feel free to ask. I do not pretend to know it all as we are still learning, but I am happy to share what I can and find out if I do not know.
Adoption is a journey and it is not easy. Nothing in this life worth doing ever is. Blessings, Rachel
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We have made a decision that drastically changes the direction our adoption journey is headed in. This decision was not made lightly or quickly. It will, however, be a change that requires time and sensitivity as we proceed. So instead of writing one blogpost to describe it, I [Rachel] will keep a journal of sorts in real time and post them altogether once we are able. You will be reading them retroactively, but it will tell the story as we live it.
2/5/2019
We have been waiting to be chosen for domestic infant adoption through Bethany for 16 months. Ben is getting older (and so are we!) so we don't want to wait too much longer to give him siblings. A couple at our church with an adopted daughter the same age as Ben gave us information about becoming foster parents in order to foster to adopt. We prayed about it and decided it was what God wanted us to pursue. The county we live in does not have a foster to adopt program so we are going through a neighboring county. We already met with a social worker, filled out the application, and scheduled our first class. Thankfully, many of the paperwork requirements we had already completed for Bethany so that made the process easier. We go to our first of five classes next week and only need two more meetings with the social worker.
County paperwork partially completed and organized
Two questions that you may be thinking:
1. What about Bethany? Well, we are praying about this. The county we are working with suggested that it might be overwhelming for us to continue with both agencies. While it is not forbidden, it's not easy and can get dicey logistically. We plan to make a decision soon, but for now, we are leaving things as they are. 2. How is this process different than adopting through Bethany? Application and approval wise its almost EXACTLY the same. Application, references, interviews, clearances, physicals. However, we won't be paying any money for this process. Once approved, the placement process can be quick. We will get more information about children who need a home than we would if we were given an "opportunity" from Bethany. Bethany could not give us information regarding where the birth mother lives so we knew how far we'd have to commute to see her. We would not get to know gender, even if mother knows it. From the county, we know the parents are located in that county and we would know name, gender, age, and ALL the background info they have on the child and family. The situation the children are coming from is also different. Using Bethany, children are voluntarily placed with families chosen by the birth parents. Using the county, children are taken from situations that are not ideal. There may be some children voluntarily surrendered, but not to the extent of Bethany. I will do a followup post in the next few days explaining in more detail all the similarities and differences for anyone interested. Ultimately, we have decided on this path because we know two things: 1. God wants us to adopt. 2. God wants us to be open to willing to do things HIS way, not ours.
3/25/2019
We are almost to the end of the process. We have our second interview with the social worker tonight and Wednesday is our final class. We had to take 5 classes in Reading (only offered once a week) about the different aspects of becoming foster parents. One of the most fascinating parts was getting to sit in one of the court rooms and go through what hearings for our future foster children will be like. Our next step is to get paperwork back from our physicals and then one more interview to do the house walk-through. Other than that, we can do no more than pray and leave it in God's hands. As for Bethany, we decided after much thought, prayer, and discussion that it is best to part ways with them. There are a lot of reasons for this decision, but this is not the place to dissect it. The short version is we started to see how our view and priorities regarding adoption differed than theirs. Plus, it seemed as though God was pushing us to pursue fostering to adopt. 4/17/2019 In trying to be as transparent as possible, it's important I include this as it's part of our journey: I found out a month ago I was pregnant (that is a crazy story). However, after a LOT of blood work and ups and downs, I miscarried this week. It's heartbreaking, but as with everything in life that is difficult, I am trying to learn whatever lessons God is trying to teach me through it. Whether its strengthening my faith, challenging me to let go of control, or something I've yet to discover, I know God is at work and that's what I cling to. Meanwhile, today we had our last interview with the social worker. Our social worker walked through the house and made sure all of our questions were answered. She hopes that we can be licensed around the end of the month. There are no guarantees for how soon a baby/child will follow. In all of this, my favorite verse is a constant reminder: "Be still and know that I am God." Psalm 46:10 5/7/2019 We are licensed to be foster parents! The next step will be getting a phone call from our social worker when there is a baby/child that she feels would fit in our family and needs a foster. Our social worker is aware that we desire to adopt so she will be trying to pair us with a child who is unlikely to be reunified with his/her birth parents (and therefore more likely to be adopted). There are no guarantees, so this process will be a journey of faith, trusting that God is a faithful God, keeping His promises, working for our good and His glory. |
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