The previous post was about what was difficult about fostering. But if it was ALL negative, you'd wonder why we are doing it, right? So this post will hopefully shed some light on the joys of fostering, at least for us. This little girl is where all the joy is. It's a shame I can't show more of her gorgeous face because with each day that passes, it's like a ray of sunshine slowly peeking out from behind a storm cloud. Here are the top five joyous parts of this journey: 1. Watching Baby Girl grow and change. It's one of my favorite parts of being a parent and just being around children. I love watching in wonder as they change from the little, squishy (sometimes odd looking) creature they were when we met them, whether at birth or another stage of life, and see them change into an amazing human designed by God. Baby girl wasn't even full term when we met her, so she still looked like a squished alien. But 3 months later, she is growing into a breath-taking little girl, with the longest eyelashes, beautiful skin tone, and a smile that she is stingy with, but makes it SO worth it when she rewards us with it. 2. Seeing Ben begin to understand his role as big brother. It's difficult to predict how little kids or toddlers will react to the addition of another child in the house. Will they revert? Will they become defiant? Angry? Or, will they do what I think Ben has done, and rise to the occasion? Sure, it was not a smooth transition for him. He had moments of insecurity that manifested in frustrated shouts or cries or tantrums. But one thing that has never wavered is his adoration for "his baby". He kisses her, tickles her, puts her pacifier back in if she's crying. As soon as he hears her crying, he's quick to inform me that she needs her binky and I need to attend to her. It makes my heart soar to know that his care for others runs deep and, if nurtured, can blossom into a wonderful strength of his as he matures into a young adult. 3. Seeing Baby Girl learn new things. This is similar to #1, but deserves its own point. This is the part of parenting that I never knew existed: that I could find complete and utter joy in seeing my child learn or do something for the first time. My face nearly cracked into 1000 pieces when I saw Baby Girl make eye contact and smile for the first time. While it is heartbreaking her birth parents can't experience it, I feel honored that I have been chosen to be the one to experience it. I treasure each new milestone I get to witness. 4. The opening fostering has provided for sharing our story with others. When we started trying to have kids in 2011, I wanted my experience to help others. Educate, encourage, enlighten, etc. I feel the same about fostering. Whenever I'm out and about with Baby Girl, the most common question is: "How old is she?" I answer, but I usually then explain how she came to be in our care. It's typically a wonderful conversation - sometimes the person follows up with more questions out of interest. Other times, I am able to connect with someone over a shared experience in fostering or adoption. It's beautiful to be able to connect with people this way. 5. Establishing a relationship with the birth parents. This one may be a bit surprising. And is a two part explanation: a) Initially, the question might be: Wouldn't I want to keep my distance? Wouldn't it be hard to connect to people whose daughter I hope to raise? Actually, the exact opposite. I am so eternally grateful to them. This precious girl is a doll. A gift. A light in our lives. And her parents created her. She will always be tied to them and vice versa, so having an open, kind, trusting relationship with them means that Baby Girl will benefit from it. No matter the outcome of this scenario, all 4 of us (birth parents and foster parents) are forever tied to this little girl. We each have had an important role in her life so connecting with her birth parents is something meaningful to me. b) There's a reason I became a teacher. I love kids. I love forming relationships with them, finding out who they are, and watching them grow into amazing human beings. In this case, I know these birth parents aren't the well-rounded, privileged kids with positive, supportive role models I used to teach. So my heart goes out to them. I want to be a positive influence, no matter how small, in their lives. For all I know, I may be the only Christian they know. My role, which I see as an honor, is to be light in their lives. To show them the love of Christ, even for the brief few moments I see them before or after visits. Is fostering hard? Yes. But so are a lot of things. And just because things are hard, doesn't mean they aren't worth doing. Upcoming:
Next Friday is our first hearing for the case. We aren't sure what to expect, other than "nothing changing" as our caseworker put it. I'll be sure to post as much as I'm allowed about how it goes and what the process is like. Until then, please pray for wisdom for the caseworkers, county workers, supervisors, judges, basically anyone official involved in the case. That all the facts are presented accurately and nothing is hidden so that the judge can make the most informed decision about what is best for Baby Girl.
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