As expected, people have questions about our journey. I thought it might be helpful to put together the most asked questions in one post for everyone still following along.
Questions:
Click on a question to go directly to the answer 1. Where is she from? 2. How long does this take? 3. Does being pregnant affect our plans to adopt baby girl? 4. What are visits like? 5. How is everything going?
1. Where is she from? Unfortunately, due to privacy issues and that she is not legally our daughter, we can't publicly divulge that information. We need to protect her as much as possible. As the process unfolds, if we get closer to adoption, we may be able to share more details about her history and family.
2. How long does this take? We wish we knew, honestly. Every single case is different. We have her for certain in our care until November, when there is a status review hearing to discuss the progress being made on everyone's parts. While it is possible rights would be terminated at that time, it's highly unlikely. From all our research, if we are going to be able to adopt her, we will probably be in this process approximately 15 months. It's only been 2.
3. Does being pregnant affect our plans to (try to) adopt baby girl? 3 words: Not. At. All.
4. What are visits like? Bio mom and dad each get one individual visit and one joint visit per week. I have to drive to her hometown 45 minutes away twice a week for the visits. I don't sit in on them; I take her, drop her off, and pick her up when the visit it over. I provide necessities for her like bottles, formula, diapers, and a change of clothes, but bio parents are strongly encouraged to do this as a sign they are trying to parent her and be responsible. Emotionally, it's not easy. I understand the need for visitation, but it's heartbreaking if I sit in the lobby and can hear her crying or see that dad is using the changing pad as a blanket to hold her.
5. How is everything going? Honestly, there is no change day to day in our status. Nothing will be addressed until November. The only thing that changes is whether or not visits are cancelled. Until November, it's keeping a record of what happens at visits, doctor appointments, at home, etc. The hardest part of this process is emotional. It is a gut-wrenching feeling both rooting FOR and rooting AGAINST someone at the same time. We literally have no choice but to trust God and His plan for baby girl.
I want to end with a well written insight from a foster dad's blog I found. He describes the beauty and brokenness of foster care perfectly:
"Everything about foster care is equal parts good and bad, joy and sorrow, beauty and brokenness. It's a good day when a child is placed in your home. It represents safety, security and an opportunity for a child to be loved and cared for in a way they likely would not have had available to them otherwise. It's indeed a good day when a child is placed in your home - it's also a really bad day. It's a day marked by hurt and brokenness, that while so much gain has been made available to a child, it's ultimately loss that has led them to that point. Generational cycles of brokenness within families have perpetuated themselves now into the lives of the next generation - abuse, neglect and abandonment have become a part of their stories. They didn't ask for this, it was unjustly handed to them by those who were most responsible to protect them from the very things they've now been harmed by.
While the opportunity to love these kids is good, no doubt the circumstances that brought them to us are probably very, very bad. This is where the call to foster care begins, what it exposes us to and the perspective it demands we keep in order to rightly and lovingly care for vulnerable kids." jasonjohnsonblog.com/blog/the-beauty-and-brokenness-of-foster-care#.XUSgvehKhyw=
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